Queer This is only my beginning...

This is only my beginning...

29, Sunny Cali native, a mother, happy out lesbian, artsy, funny, sarcastic, emotional, and a hopeful romantic, in love with girl in a coma (drummer *Phanie Diaz), photography and music! Ask me anything!!!
Caught an awesome shot of my son rolling on the beach, cracked me up. #happymommy #blessed #mylove #beachday

Caught an awesome shot of my son rolling on the beach, cracked me up. #happymommy #blessed #mylove #beachday

Labor day weekend fun. #lategram #lgbt #beachday #bolsachica

Labor day weekend fun. #lategram #lgbt #beachday #bolsachica

high-zen-burg:

this is for all the girls who are big girls that don’t have a skinnier middle than their butt and thighs 

the ones whos bellies hang over their underwear

who’s waist size is thicker than their shoulders, butt, or anywhere else on their bodies

who’s boobs are bigger than their butts, they have curvy lumps on their backs, muffin tops, chicken legs, thick arms and smaller bodies, no boobs, no butt, all middle, whatever.

you’re loved too. don’t forget that.

(via aleimina)

1.
I say, ‘I am fat.’
He says ‘No, you are beautiful.’
I wonder why I cannot be both.
He kisses me
hard.

2.
My college theater professor once told me
that despite my talent,
I would never be cast as a romantic lead.
We do plays that involve singing animals
and children with the ability to fly,
but apparently no one
has enough willing suspension of disbelief
to go with anyone loving a fat girl.
I daydream regularly
about fucking my boyfriend vigorously on his front lawn.

3.
On the mornings I do not feel pretty,
while he is still asleep,
I sit on the floor and check the pockets of his skinny jeans for motive,
for a punchline,
for other girls’ phone numbers.

4.
When we hold hands in public,
I wonder if he notices the looks —
like he is handling a parade balloon on a crowded sidewalk;
if he notices that my hands are now made of rope.

5.
Dear Cosmo: Fuck you.
I will not take sex tips from you
on how to please a man you think I do not deserve.

6.
He tells me he loves me with the lights on.

7.
I can cup his hip bone in my hand,
feel his ribs without pressing very hard at all.
He does not believe me when I tell him he is beautiful.
Sometimes I fear the day he does will be the day he leaves.

8.
The cute hipster girl at the coffee shop
assumes we are just friends
and flirts over the counter.
I spend the next two weeks
mentally replacing myself with her
in all of our photographs.
When I admit this to him
we spend the evening taking new photos together.
He will not let me delete a single one of them.

9.
The phrase “Big girls need love too” can die in a fire.
Fucking me does not require an asterisk.
Loving me is not a fetish.
Finding me beautiful is not a novelty.
I am not a fucking novelty.

10.
I say, ‘I am fat.’
He says, ‘No. You are so much more’,
and kisses me
hard.

Ten Honest Thoughts On Being Loved By A Skinny Boy, Rachel Wiley

(I have read this before, but for some reason this is the first time it has made me suddenly burst into tears. It was #8 that killed me.)

(Source: themilitantbaker.com, via aleimina)

Being fat carries with it a lot of cultural baggage. At the same time, fat people, especially fat women, are supposed to pretend we don’t exist or that we’re not fat. I can’t count the number of times thin people have made reference to fat people or fatness in a negative or joking way in front of me, from the petite woman sitting next to me at the coffee shop complaining about fat people on airplanes, to my friends who routinely make jokes about their “inner fat kids” coming out when they eat a lot, to the women in my family who compete to see who can look the thinnest in family photos. Sometimes it feels like I’m not even there, or that I’m not supposed to be. - Lisa C. Knisely